Desperately Seeking...

In my life I've been blessed with a lot of really good friends, friends that I consider more family that just someone to pass the time with. But I've only ever had a few, what I would call 'best friends'. Someone that I can pick up the phone and just 'shoot the breeze' with. A person who lived close enough that if I was having a crappy day, could come over, share a bottle of wine with me and make it all go away. Someone I could just be silly with. 

I have that in M - and I'm truly grateful for the fact that I'm married to my best friend. But a girl needs another girl in her life - someone to share the highs and lows with, someone to watch bad, guilty pleasure movies with, someone to go to a really bad dive bar dressed up to the hilt and drink insanely girly drinks with, someone to just giggle with.

Whenever I feel I've found that person, something happens. I move. They move. I take a job that has different hours to them, they finally meet the person of their dreams and fade off into the sunset. Don't get me wrong - I'm still very close to those women who have come into my life and have occupied a special place in my heart for a period of time (and still do), but I would love to find someone who I could create a history with, someone who would instinctively know when I need cheering up, or that would laugh at the same stupid things I do.

Friendships are hard to cultivate in this city - people come into your lives for a brief period of time and then move on; careers change, families grow, time to spend together gets hard to manage, and before you know it, a year has past by and you've seen it each other maybe half a dozen times.

It's not anyone's fault - life happens. And I'll be the first to admit that I tend to be cautious when it comes to letting people into my life.  I've been burnt badly too many time to throw caution to the wind. 

But then again, maybe that's what I need to do. To just put myself out there and see what happens.

Wish me luck.... I'm going to go jump into the deep end.

K

Auld Lang Syne

Credit - Google

Sitting here early on the first morning of 2013, necessary cup of coffee in hand, watching a rather magnificent sunrise and I'm hit with a wave of nostalgia.

The last time I can remember doing this, the watching of a sunrise on the new year, alone (M and Little P are still sleeping), was in 1999 (well, '99 going into 2000). I hadn't met M yet, Little P was not even a blip on my radar and my life was pretty different.

It was after a rather eventful night, and I was headed home on the tram with every intention of going straight to bed, but as so often happens, the universe had different plans for me. I got sidetracked walking home from the tram stop, and the next thing I knew I was sitting on the beach, with a coffee and a croissant (still smelling of cigarette smoke and spilt alcohol), watching the sunrise.

It was breathtaking. Even after all these years I can still say that. I remember the sun just peaking over the horizon, seeing it's reflection start to show on the water, watching it briefly disappear behind low clouds only to reappear in all it's brilliance what felt like moments later. I knew at that moment, that 2000 was going to be a banner year....and it was. It was the year I started working for a company that would not only provide me with some wonderful life long friends, but also technically gave me M, and the chance to move to the States to be with him. It was the year I essentially went from being a 'club kid' (which, if I'm totally honest, was exactly what I was) to being an actual grown up, with goals and plans and aspirations.

It was the year I knew what being in love truly was, everything else had simply been a forerunner to this all encompassing, unable to breath, spinning wildly out of control feeling that I had for this other person. I wouldn't feel that way again till Little P was placed in my arms for the first time.

2000 was the year that, although the computers of the world didn't rise up and attack us, and we weren't sent into a crazy non-technology based society, it was the year that I discovered MP3 players and that Excel spreadsheets really weren't that scary. It was the year I tried, unsuccessfully, to teach my American boyfriend how to drive stick shift (on the 'wrong' side of the road).

It was a banner year.

2013 is going to be one too. I just know it. I have a job I enjoy, work with a bunch of great people and I'm learning new things daily. And while some friends have moved on, I have made a bunch of new ones, and my old friends just keep getting better (something to do with aging like fine wine...). I have my little angel, Little P, who just amazes me every day and makes me laugh and cry and just want to be silly. I have M, who even to this day, when he takes my hand, still takes my breath away, and I have family in two continents now - my love has gone global.

And as in 2000, we survived a potential earth shattering day - 12/21/12 - only to wake up on the 22nd to see no real discernible change (I still think Skynet is just biding time). We have Little P's 2nd birthday coming up, my Dad's 60th, my Father-in-law's 70th, my 40th and my Mum's 60th all to look forward to this year. Potential trips to Australia, LA and back to New York are all on the books.

2013. Definitely going to be a banner year.

So, to you and yours, may the sun rise on a wonderful new year and may it be full of surprises and much happiness.

From me and mine....here comes the sun!

K

Credit - Google

Gossip Girls

Sitting at the park the other day, watching Little P wonder and explore, I had the distinct displeasure of being surrounded by a group of Mommies who did nothing but gossip about other Mommies. Thankfully they weren't people I knew, but the nastiness and bitterness that these women were using when talking to each other about other women just left a nasty taste in my mouth. So much so, I went and sat somewhere else.

I'm not disillusioned enough to think that women don't talk about other women (or men for that matter). It's kind of hard wired in us to want to talk about people we know (and don't know), and as much as we don't like to think it affects us, being envious of what some one else has, is or does, just happens. Maybe all too often.

What really bugged me about today though was two things; a) that they really were being very (and almost incredibly) cruel about the people who they were talking about and b) they were ignoring, almost completely, their kids. A child would come up to their Mommy and say they were hungry/thirsty and would have something shoved at them by their Mommy, without any recognition at all. I get that you are 'talking' with your friends, but really, is that necessary?

One child wanted to swing and his Mother said flat out 'No'. Why? 'Because I don't want to swing you.' Wow. I don't always want to stand for hours on end and push Little P on a swing, but I do it. Because it makes her happy.

I just don't get it. I don't. Look, I know that when a bunch of women get together, they are going to start talking about things - how some celebrity popped out six kids and now has the body of a 16 year old. Or about the latest reality star and their mixed up life. But you want to know what my friends and I talk about when we get to the park? For a good 80% of it, we are talking about our kids. Because, when you are around people who have kids, you kind of get a free pass to talk about them. Because you know that when you meet up with your childless friends, there's a really, really good chance that they don't want to talk about potty training, or the latest installment in Junior's career as an interior decorator (hey, give a kid markers and stickers and you just know they are going all over their walls). And that's cool. You don't want to talk about your kids 24/7 either.

But when you get the chance to be in an environment when you can ask and discuss things about kids, you kind of take the opportunity to do so. And the other 20%? We usually talk about the next 'Mom's Night Out', or the latest sales, shows on TV... you know normal stuff.

What we don't do (and I honestly don't think we ever have) is verbally beat up someone who we know and isn't there to defend themselves. Sure, if we know someone who just had a kid and had the good fortune to bounce back to a size 2 after it, we might wonder about how she did it, or if she's just one of those people who do automatically go back to their pre-baby body (hey, it happens). But we don't say things like 'The woman should just successfully off herself. She really doesn't deserve to live.' Or things like 'If I had a man like that, I'd be parading him around and selling him off to the highest bidder. No woman wants that much competition sniffing around.' Or, this wonderful one 'I really think she needs to do what's right for everyone else and go and commit herself. Her kids would be better off, her husband would be better off. And we wouldn't have to hear about what's going on in her life All. The. Time.' Yup. Harsh huh?

Now, I don't know these women, and I don't know the people they are talking about, but doesn't this seem just a little aggressive? And here's the kicker. About ten minutes after I moved, another Mommy came up to their group, and they were all hugs and kisses and 'it's so great to see you'.... and when she walked away to help her kids, it was on. 'Man, she has some nerve turning up here today.' 'Did you see what she was wearing?' 'I told you, she needs to be in an institution.'

WOW.

It's moments like this that I thank my lucky stars that I have such a great group of women friends - from all walks of life, in all shapes and sizes and with a multitude of life experiences - who can get along. We aren't perfect. We have our misunderstandings. But you know what? Our flaws are what make us who we are. And that's what people love about us.

So please, don't be a gossip girl. There are enough forces out there wanting to hurt us, without us adding to it.

Till next time, hug your girlfriends. Tell them how much you love them and how much they mean to you. Because you just never know when you are going to need them by your side.

K