Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Attack of the Zombies....

It's true. The Zombie Apocalypse is upon us. Actually it's been going on for some time, you just need to look closely to see it. Visit any park early in the morning and you will see them - Mom's and Dad's doing the 'Zombie Shuffle', talking incoherently (they understand what their grunts mean), and moaning 'coooofffffeeeee'. It's an epidemic.


When you are pregnant, they tell you your little one will 'suck all the good stuff out of you' (you know, your energy, your food, your ability to grow hair...). But what they don't tell you is that they keep sucking stuff out of you even after they have joined the world. Aside from being sleep deprived (they seem to manage just fine on a 10 minute cat nap, the buggers), and lacking nourishment (they prevent you from eating a full meal...pretty much till they leave home) and being able to carry on a grown up conversation without the words 'poop', 'milk', 'potty' and 'vomit' from popping up, you loose brain cells too.

It's a scientific fact. I'm sure there have been studies done on it, I just couldn't find one to specifically quote from (actually I found a bunch that say having a baby actually makes you smarter - ha! I'd like to see the research on that one), but it's true. While you may be able to juggle holding a baby, talking on the phone and making dinner all at the same time, if someone was to ask you anything to do with say, the Constitution, chances are you would have to seriously pause, mentally go through your files in your brain and locate the answer. There's a good chance that while doing this, you would have been distracted by your toddler sticking something up their nose and lost your train of thought. You would then realize the person you were talking to is still waiting for an answer, and so as to not look completely like an ass, you would politely say 'excuse me' and make a beeline for your child to remove the equivalent of a small ant farm from their left nostril.

Previously intelligent and witty women (and some men) find themselves sounding like a newly undead person, responding with 'Uuuhhhh' when asked questions. Or worse, being so completely distracted, they provide an answer that has absolutely nothing to do with what was being asked (most likely because they a still trying to digest the last conversation they had). 

For example: I was talking with a Mommy friend the other day whose 1 year old is teething and having a rough time of it. We had been talking about the last movie we saw and she mentioned that the last one she saw was 'Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter', a movie that surprisingly, I too had seen, and I was asking her about a certain scene, and her response (after a slight pause) was 'Carrots always seem that way. I don't know why. Maybe it's to do with the keratin.' See? Completely off topic. It took her a good 15 minutes to track back and explain what she had been talking about. And this is a woman with a Masters in Education.

It apparently doesn't get any better as they get older. Which is discouraging. I was hoping that once Little P started school, I would start to get my 'smarts' back. But it seems that it doesn't happen that way. *sigh* Maybe there's a pill out there for this....

Till next time, beware the Zombies. We are EVERYWHERE.


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