This one is compliments of a good friend of mine. Her husband has been very adamant about being very present in his girls lives (they have three) - he likes to know who their friends are, who they like and don't like (favorite singer and so on), what they like to do sports wise, favorite movies.... She thinks it's great (as do I), but she's been warning him that as they get older, he's going to not want to know as much. 'Girls are different.' He doesn't think so. 'Really, how different to boys can they be?'
Little does he know...
Momma of three travels a lot for her job, so, Daddy of three is home with them quite a bit (although the cavalry is only about ten minutes away if he needs them - that being her parents). So it wasn't unusual for her to get a phone call with him 'freaking out' about one thing or the other ('Girls like what?! No. 2 needs underwear and I can't go to the store to buy little girls underwear - people will look at me like I'm some sort of pervert.' You get the picture). However, this conversation was worth sharing.
Daddy: Hi. Quick question. No. 1 is bleeding and I need to get her some 'stuff'. Where do I go and what sort do I get?
Momma: (somewhat confused) Just use the bandaids in the medicine cabinet.
Daddy: No. Not that kind of bleeding. Lady bleeding.
Momma: Oh. Well, you need to go to CVS, go to the 'Feminine Hygiene' section and look for pads. Preferably just regular ones. If you need help, just ask a clerk.
Daddy: (after a small pause) Okay. Pads? Do they need to be a certain color or shape or brand?
Momma: (suppressing a giggle) No. Just basic pads - it's her first one, it shouldn't be too bad.
Daddy: Do I need to put them on her?
Momma: Oh lord no! Just give them to her. We've had the 'talk'. She'll know what to do. And if she's concerned, call my Mom. She'll come over to help.
Daddy: Okay. Love you. See you soon.
Momma: Love you too. Good luck.
It's understandable that she would think after this conversation took place that he would be fine - and if he wasn't he would just ask her Mom. Yeah, um, not so much.
When she got home, she was greeted by her husband (Thank God you are home!) and her eldest daughter (Mom! Dad has been so weird.) and proceeded to find out what all the concern was about.
Apparently, being the kind of guy who, if he's not sure of something, does everything, when he got to CVS and found the right aisle, he was confronted by millions (his word) of options. Different brands, sizes, shapes, definitions (Wings? What do they need to be able to fly for? Super absorbent. Regular, long, maxi, overnight....). It was a little too much for him to handle. So, he swallowed his pride and asked a clerk for help. Unfortunately, the only person around was a teenage boy, and he was a perplexed as Daddy was. 'Man, I avoid this aisle like the plague. It's like, too much information.' So, in desperation to do the right thing and to get pads for his little girl, he picked a couple and off he went.
However, his idea of 'a couple' and ours is probably very different. When I say 'a couple' I mean two, maybe three items. His 'a couple' turned out to be three different brands, four different sizes, ones with wings and ones without, thin ones and maxi ones and even ones that were called 'tween pads'. When she saw them all lined up, she burst out laughing. What else could you do. Her daughter was obviously mortified by what Daddy had done, he was freaking out because he didn't know what to tell his daughter and Momma jus thought the whole thing was hilarious.
Thankfully, her daughter had just picked the ones she wanted and done her thing, but he was determined to get the okay from Momma before he returned any of them.
So, $100 later and enough pads to provide 'security' to a small female army, Daddy has decided that he most definitely does not want to know everything about what goes on with his girls.... some things are best left to the female species.
Till next time....well, I think he said it all. Some things really are best left to the female species.