Drink Up

Anyone who has been following me for a while, knows (and hopefully appreciates) my fondness for a glass of vino from time to time. 

And while I joke that I'm a big ole lush, I'm really not, and I do tend to take my wine in stride. I don't hold it against anyone who doesn't like wine, or even drink for that matter (M doesn't drink - which equals a designated driver for me, woo hoo), but I do have an issue with people who automatically 'blacklist' me because I do.

Which leads me to today's post. It's a tad wordy, so bare with me.

When I first decided to be a SAHM, I quickly realized that if I didn't find some grown-ups to interact with, that I was going to be in serious trouble. So, when a friend of mine suggested trying MeetUp, to find playgroups, I jumped on that bandwagon so fast I think I gave myself whiplash.

It was amazing. So many groups to choose from. Did I want to be with a group of stay at home moms that grew their own vegetables, made their own paper and probably smelt like patchouli? Or did I want to join a group that seemed to be all about their 'inner goddess' and how to connect with her? Or how about the Wiccan moms who were about to celebrate the Spring Equinox? (I had visions of women running around in their birthday suits when I saw that one.)

In the end I selected four different groups - three for weekdays and one for weekends. My initial thinking was that with this many groups to be a part of, there was guaranteed to be something to do every day, and I was bound to meet at least a few like-minded women. And that held true - for the most part.

With one group, I just couldn't make the play dates, as even though they said they covered my area of town, they all wound up being a good 45 minutes from home. Which, when you have a little one (P was about 4 months at the time) is a long time to dedicate to driving somewhere. So, after a couple of months, I discontinued my membership with them (saving not only gas but also my sanity).

Two other groups worked out perfectly for me - I got on well with the other Mommies, the kids where around the same age as Little P, their meet-ups where close to home - it was kismet (and even though I'm working full time now I still see and speak to a lot of them.)

And the other group? Well let's just say we didn't see eye to eye on a couple of things.

The first 'outing' that I went to for this group was a 'get to know you' event at one of the Mommy’s homes. There wasn't a long description on the meeting, it just listed the address of where to go to, that it would be a 'fun way to get to meet other members of the group' and that 'slight fare would be served'.

Now, my Mother taught me that when you are invited to someone's home, to never turn up empty handed. Always bring something, whether its food, drinks, or a gift for the host, always have something for them. And I've been doing that my entire adult life. So, like the good girl that I am, I came bearing two bottles of wine - cause even if you don't drink it, wine is always an easy thing to re-gift.

I turn up to the event, knock on the door, and when it's opened, I introduce myself and wait to be invited in. 

I didn't even make it past the front door. 

The woman who greeted me did so with a broad smile till her eyes landed on the bottles that I had in my hands. Instead of a 'Hi and welcome' I got 'Alcohol is not welcome here.' Her smile disappeared, and I swear the air around me got colder. 'That's okay', I reply, 'I'll just leave them in the car.' As I'm turning to go back to the car she says to me 'I just don't think you would be a good addition to the group'. Sorry. You are going to reject me simply because I didn't know you lot didn't like alcohol? You aren't even going to give me a chance to get to know you and you me? 

Before I knew what was happening, I was staring a closed door. Yup, I had officially been shunned. I honestly didn't know what to think. I was racking my brain to remember if there had been anything on their page saying they didn't drink or if maybe she just didn't like how I was dressed, the car I drove, or whatever.

All I remember on my drive home is thinking this is just like being in high school. I'm in my late 30's and I'm still not 'cool enough' to hang out with.

When I got home, I went online to check out their page and I found that they had ALREADY removed me from the group. Wow. Talk about a slap in the face.

I later found out that this particular group did that alot to other parents. Each to their own I guess.

So even though that adventure didn't turn out to be a positive one, I'm so happy to have found my slightly nutty, always friendly and ready to have a glass with me fellow Mommies from the other two groups. They help make my life that much more interesting. 

Till next time - bottom's up!

K

You don't talk about Fight Club.

That's rule number one. 

And rule number two.

The same thing apparently applies to some 'Mommy & Me' groups. Weird huh? I mean, I kind of get the association (there are times when my body feels like I just spent the night at a fight club), but do we really need 'underground' Mommy clubs?

And I'm not talking about some totally cool version of a Mommy group where we have a secret hideout, with secret identities, and spend our time rescuing other Mother's from unknown attacks of vomit, poop and other nasty things.... Nope. Not even close to that interesting. Just a small group of women, who happen to be mothers and want to meet 'secretly'. 

I ask you, what's so all important about being a Mommy that you have to create an underground version of it? Will they be plotting to take over the country? And then the world? Probably not. Will they be discussing the latest version of fusion technology and how to get it out to the general public without being squashed by 'the man'? I doubt it. What I do think they will talk about will be the best places to get Pampers cheap, which butt cream is the best for Juniors diaper rash and what the coolest pins on Pinterest were that day. 

Unfortunately, I don't think they will be any where near as nefarious as some other 'secret' groups out there (Freemason's, Skull & Bones and The Illuminati all come to mind), but don't mess with them if you want your child to go to a certain pre-school (Just kidding. They don't have the power to do that... at least, I don't think they do).

And who knows, maybe 'Underground Mommy Groups' will become the next 'in' thing. Just think about it - to join, you will have to be invited by a current member and then be voted in by the other members. They will have rules and ceremonies, and will be overseen by the Grand Pobar of Mommies (she'll wear a cloak fashioned out of her little one's clothes, wear pasta necklaces created by the children of the other Mommies and carry a scepter in the shape of a rattle.... can you tell I've spent a little too long thinking about this?).

Hmmm, maybe I should be careful what I write. If they are like any other secret society, they already know, I know. And then they will know that I know they know. And the knowing will become so all encompassing that it will make our heads explode!! 

Okay. Enough of that. So, what was I talking about? Oh yeah, Fight Club. So, the first rule of Fight Club....

Till next time, stock up on the Neosporin, Ace bandages and ice packs. 

K

Stop. Hammer Time.

Every once in a while you just have to stop. Just breathe and enjoy watching the world pass by.

It's been a very lazy day today. 

At 11am Little P and I were still in our PJ's. We had cookies for breakfast (along with milk for her and coffee for me). We lay on the floor in the playroom and 'talked' while squishing play doh in our hands. We sat and read books (okay, we sat and read her books, but still reading is reading). I contemplated getting us both dressed and going out to do something about 10 times before M woke up - didn't eventuate.

And I'm okay with that.

Anyone who sees me on a regular basis knows that Little P and I are pretty activate. Almost every morning we are at a play group event, or we are at a local park if nothing is planned. Most afternoons we go out and play in the back yard, go for a drive, do crafts or just have a tea party with us and 20 of Little P's closest furry friends. It's pretty much none stop most of the time. So every once and awhile, we need to just sit back and watch the world go on without us.

Granted, today was more because we had a rough night last night and I wasn't feeling up to being perky and sociable (it happens), but there are days when I swear she looks at me as if I'm crazy for going out with her again. And maybe I am. 

Most days however, she's the one whose standing at the top of the stairs saying 'Drive. Go, go, go.'

I once had a friend ask me if I did so many things with Little P because I was scared to be alone with her for extended periods of time. Yup. You can just picture the look on my face can't you? My response to her was somewhat long winded, but it essentially comes down to this:  I do a lot of things with Little P because a) it wears her out so she will take a nap (works on most days, sometimes it backfires) and b) because there is so much more to the world than what I can show her with just the two of us. 

I like our quiet time. I really do. But there is just so much out there to see and do, I really don't want to miss a minute of it. Because, before you know it, I will be back a work, she'll be in school and our special adventures will be things of the past. Sure, we will still do things together, but it won't be quite the same.

So I'll be lazy today. Maybe we will do some painting later, or go for a walk. But more than likely we will just lay on the floor and 'talk' some more, eat some more cookies, and read a book (or three). And that's okay. Because tomorrow is another day full of surprises and adventures waiting to be had.

Till next time, go forth and conquer!

K

Mommy-ism #23: When you realize that you just had an in depth discussion with your 11 month old, and actually feel like you had a real conversation... if insanity is when you start to answer yourself, how do you classify having a conversation with someone whose main word is 'hi' and most of the noises she makes belongs in a SyFy movie soundtrack?

Friends with benefits.

That got your attention didn't it? Well just to clarify, I don't mean friends with those kinds of benefits. I am referring to having friends who open their home up to me and Little P and take her for a little while. Friends who reach out for her while at the same time handing me a glass of wine. And friends with kids. Little kids. Kids that can play with Little P and keep her entertained and distracted for a good hour. Friends with little kids that enable me to get my head together for a oh so brief moment in time. Friends who remind me it's okay to not do everything perfect when it comes to being a parent. Friends who kindly prod me to remember that you are gonna make mistakes. That it's the mistakes that make us, in the end, the interesting people that we become.

I am so very thankful for all my friends in my life.


As a kid you don't really see your parents as 'people'. They are 'Mom' (or 'Mum') and 'Dad'. As you get older, you understand that they have feelings, needs and wants, dreams and wishes, just like you, but I don't think you really get it till you become a parent. And all of a sudden, it hits you. You are someone's Mom or Dad.


Then it happens. When people introduce you to others, you are so & so's Mom. You won't be you, you'll be a MOM. It kind of freaks me out (only a little but still). I mean, I remember meeting friends parents and they were always Mrs. Jones, or Mr. K (and on the rare occasion, it was their first name, when like my parents, they always felt OLD if they were called Mr or Mrs). And now I'm that person. When teachers meet me, I'm going to be Little P's mother. When parents of her friends meet me, I'm going to be Little P's Mom. But when Mommies in my Mommy Groups meet me, I'm just Kelly, who happens to have a little girl. It's nice, you know?


For a small moment each day, I get to be me. I'm still Little P's Mom, still M's wife, but I'm also ME, and I really, really appreciate that. 


It's funny. You worry about 'losing' you when you become a parent. People tell horror stories about not having any part of who they really are left after becoming a Mommy or a Daddy. But I don't think that's the case. I think you just kind of adapt. You are still you, just a different version of you. And having friends who see you for who you are and not the 'title' you hold helps, a lot. 


So, to all my wonderful friends; whether you have little ones running underfoot, or bigger ones trying to stay hidden. Whether you have a lot of kids or none at all.... thank you. Thank you for being my friend, regardless of my station in life. 


Till next time, keep the benefits coming.


K


Mommy-ism #101: never take for granted those around you. And I'm not just talking family. I mean everyone who helps you get through the day. Whether it be good friends, or someone you just met. Or the kid who helped get your groceries to the car while you tried to calm down a cranky baby. Or the woman at the store who let you go ahead of her because your little one was getting restless. Your significant other, whether it be a husband or a wife, boyfriend or girlfriend or best friend, for just letting you vent when you need to and giving you a shoulder to cry on without thinking twice about it. And your little one. Who gives you hugs when you don't ask for them, kisses when you least expect it and holds your hand just because. Never, ever take them for granted. Because moments like these are all too fleeting.