Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Meet 'Mr. Chuck'. First name 'Up'.

Baby vomit. Little kid vomit. And even grown up vomit. It's all 'eewww', but if I had to pick which one I thought was the worst, I would have to go with baby/toddler vomit.

It's sticky. It's really, really stinky. It has a rather unusual consistency that kind of reminds me of slime (you know, the stuff you got in a can and was green, sticky and just nasty) and it tends to come out of your little ones like someone just switched on a hose - very reminiscent of Linda Blair.

As a baby, Little P didn't throw up - of course she spit up a little, but not a whole lot, so I kind of figured we might luck out. And then around the nine month mark, it happened. I was picking her up to put her to bed and out it came - on me, on her, all over the floor, it was nasty. Who knew that a little one could have that much puke come out of them. 

While I was amazing at the sheer amount of it, and the weird consistency, the smell hit me. Like the proverbial ton of bricks. Oh. My. Dear. Lord. Fortunately, after years of working in nightclubs, the smell of vomit doesn't make me want to throw up, but wow, this was seriously gross. M and I have since become very skilled at dealing with little kid puke - how to get Little P from what had now become ground zero, to the bath without dragging it everywhere, to being able to change her bed and clean up her room all in under 30 minutes. Of course, when there's just one of us, it takes a little longer, but we got some serious skills kids.

I mention all of this because friends of mine recently went through this for the first time. Their little boy, at age two, had yet to throw up (I know right? How lucky for them). When it did happen, they were kind of at a loss as how to a) remove him from the car seat (where he had been sick), b) get him into the bath to wash him off, c) to get the smell out of the car seat and the car and d) not throw up themselves.

It apparently took them almost two hours to get it all done. Their little boy was fascinated with this weird thing that had just come out of his mouth and wanted to keep playing with it. Mom was having a hard time not throwing up as she tried to get his clothes off without getting the vomit all over him and Dad had put on a mask (used for spray painting) and rubber gloves and was trying to pull the car seat out of the car without getting covered in little kid puke.

At the end of it all, both Mom and Dad had thrown up ('only a little' they tell me), Junior was all clean and smelling of Mom's body wash as apparently the kid stuff just couldn't get rid of that smell, and the car was taken to be detailed because there was 'no way they were going to drive around in a car that still had vomit smell'. I didn't have the heart to tell them it was all down hill after this. That there will indeed be more days of little kid vomit. But, they will get a routine down after it happens a couple more times and that they won't throw up every time that it does. 

That smell never really does go away though - no matter what you do. I wonder what taxi drivers use....?

Till next time, avoid Mr. Up Chuck - he's no fun.


Mommy-ism #32: I have two words for you - 'baby vomit'. Nothing compares to it in color, texture, smell, consistency or just plain stickiness. Having worked in bars and nightclubs, I've had to deal with many a type of vomit, but this stuff just takes the cake (so to speak).

No comments:

Post a Comment