Monday, September 17, 2012

Number Two

It's a simple fact of life: everyone does it (and yes, even the Queen). Poop. Crap. Caca. Sh*t. Do-do. Feces. Poo.

As an adult, you don't tend to discuss poop on a daily basis (you know, outside of the doctor's office). But the minute you become a parent, it all of a sudden becomes a hotly discussed topic. What color? How did it look? Was it hard or soft? How did it smell? And we talk about it so calmly - as if we were asking someone what they had for breakfast. 'Little Johnny's poop is a weird green color. I should talk to his doctor right?' 'Little Janie hasn't pooped in three days, should I be worried?' 'Hey, did you catch the game on TV last night?'

It still kind of freaks me out how easy it is to talk about something that really should be a personal thing. I don't want to know how regular my friends are, but I can tell you without even pausing to think about it which child is regular, who still has trouble, who goes a couple of days without having one and then spends the next day pooping all day long.... it's kind of disturbing really, when you think about it.

Credit - Babble

Recently, we were concerned about Little P and her pooping. She was having trouble going, so much so that she would break into tears. So, I did what any Mother would - I Googled the living crap out of it. Man, you type in 'trouble pooping' and you are bombarded with millions of posts. Eventually, I just gave in and called her doctor. And what I had to do after that, I really hope I never have to do again. Because I couldn't get to the doctor that day, I was asked to email a photo of her poop (when she did one) and to put on a glove and touch it - to find out if it was hard or squishy. Eeewwww! Fortunately it wasn't anything to worry about, and after a day or two, she was back to normal with her bodily functions. 

And little one's seem to have a fascination with it. Fortunately, Little P calls it 'yukky' and pretty much only refers to it when she's actually pooping. She'll tell me shes doing it, then come over and get me when she's done. But I have friends who aren't so lucky in this arena.

I know one Daddy, who has three little ones, and while the youngest was in the bath, her brother came up to him horrified, and said 'J is painting the bathtub!' Somewhat perplexed as to why he was so upset (they have the bathtub crayons) he said 'That's okay, she's allowed to.' 'No, Daddy. She's painting it BROWN!!'. Now totally confused, he went into the bathroom and realized his little girl had pooped while in the bath and had proceeded to use it as a crayon, and had smeared it all over the tub. 

Yuck, right? Let's just say, there was a lot of bleach used that night (and the bathtub crayons got thrown out).

I've had friends tell me their little one's have taken their diaper off once they have pooped and 'painted' the walls in their room with it; other's have found it all over their little ones (apparently it's fun to cover yourself in poop). Other's still have had their little bundle of joy hand them their poop - like it was a gift.

As gross as it is, you have to laugh when things like this happen. Because you just know that when your little one turns 18, it's gonna make for a really embarrassing story. And, as parents, isn't that really what it's all about?

Till next time - keep the bleach, rubber gloves and gas masks handy. You are entering a biohazard zone.


Mommy-ism #2: How can something so tiny produce so much waste and have it smell so bad? (And why don't they send you home from the hospital with a hazmat suit, gas mask and bio-hazard bags?).

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